18歳の時に出会い、驚きました。

another lifeさんの記事を読んで、思い出すことが多々ありました。

ただ明らかなことは、森さんがいたことが、僕が高3の春以降、口永良部島に思い切り関わることになったきっかけの大きな一つであるということです。

東京とはかなり離れた小さな島で、東京育ちの僕よりも、はるかに広い世界を知り、悩み考えた上で、あえて、生まれ育った口永良部島に住んでいる人がいた。このことは大学入学直前の僕にとって、大学進学だけでなく、それまでの人生そのものを根底から覆されるような感覚にするものでした。大学に行く意味、毎日仕事をする意味、結婚する意味、いろいろなことを再考しなければいけない空間でした。それだけ、僕が育ってきた東京に蔓延している価値観は井の中の蛙だった。ということかもしれません。

そしてお話の中で感じる。筋。論理的一貫性が、大学受験に励んでいた僕が何を勉強していたのか一瞬分からなくなるほど、足りていない、話のわかりやすさを、島の方々は持っていました。きっとそれは、大学生によくいる「地に足がつかない」者の正反対にある、あまりにも地に足のついた考え方が生み出すものだと思いました。働き食べて寝るサイクルの中で、精査された筋を通す考え方がお話の中から溢れていて、まさに「島は人を育てる」のだと痛感し、「僕が東京で学べなかったことの多くがここにある」と確信し、通い、暮らしました。

同時に、地に足のついた、それがあまりにも重たいものなので、堂々と根付いている。そんな重力のようなものも感じました。それが、温室育ちの僕にはまだ怖かった。18歳の時に1ヶ月ほど島にいた僕の日記を元に卒業制作ではこのような文章を書きました。

大学1年生の時にフィールドワークで森さんのカバン持ちをしたいとお願いした時のことです。

森さんがこれまでどのような人生を歩んできたのか、どのような思いで「しまづくり」をしているのか、本気で「本音」を話してくださいました。島育ちの自分がしてきた、高校進学後の苦労や、東京で仕事をしていた頃のこと、島に帰ってくるまでの出来事を包み隠さず話してくれました。そして、「島の将来」について考える難しさ、「島」のためには犠牲にしなければいけないこともある、夜眠れないこともある。とても重たい時間でした。「俺についてきて、島のことを考えるのは、楽しいことばかりじゃない。それでも、ついてきたいと思うのか?」この森さんの「本気」と「覚悟」が伴った問いに、圧倒されながら、「はい。」と答えました。この日のことを、当時十八歳の僕は、日記に残していました。

「ものすごい本気を感じた。これが島の現状であるというつよい本気。はじめて目撃したかもしれない。人生スパンで、しかも進行形の、本気。話は重かった。とても不安である。三月にも感じたような不安である。なにか孤独を感じたときにうまれる不安なのか。自ら閉じようとする不安なのかもしれない。逃げようとする自分の予兆なのかもしれない。これを楽しまなければいけない。がんばるしかない。なぜ森さんはあそこまで本音で話すんだろう。」

 この夜のことは、僕のその後に大きく影響することになりました。島の方々は、島に暮らしながら毎日、常に島のことを考えて生きています。そして、本当に島の人口が増えるのか、分からないなかで一歩一歩進もうとしている。「島の将来を考える」とは、「島の方々の人生」を考えることと同じです。それに対して、「研究会のプロジェクト」として島に関わる僕たちは、本当に島の将来を島の方々と一緒に考える資格があるのか。学期中、研究会の時間は週一回の五時間程度、島に滞在するのも夏休みと春休みだけ。そして、あくまで「プロジェクトメンバー」として滞在する。その程度の気持ちでいた自分は、森さんの「島を背負う」覚悟を前に、何も言うことはできないのは当たり前です。

ファイヤー!!!

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